Sunday, June 15, 2008

Letting It Out.

I'm lost. I'm emo. I'm depressed. I'm confused. I'm sick.
What else can you describe me?

Yesterday, I had a night in my uncle and auntie's house. They were talking about their teenage life and how they met and everything and I also told them part of mine too. That conversation made me think a lot about my past, my current and my future. It seems that everything is so screwed up right now. I don't know what to do and I feel so lost. Nobody seems to understand how I feel. Nobody seems to appreciate what I do. Although I did the right thing, I'll be the blame. Although I've got nothing to do with some problems, I'll be the blame too. And when I do my best in something, my parents will be expecting more and they never ever said that they were proud of me. Sometimes to me, getting first place, doesn't make me happy at all cause I'll be having lots of pressure in maintaining it and some people will be saying I'm boasting about it which I seriously did not. And I have to go through all this things by my own.

Like my uncle said, "Life is just so unfair." and i totally agreed on that. But he was much more lucky cause he only realize it 15 years ago and me, I realize that since I was out from my primary school and it seriously hurt a lot. I've been wondering every single night why can't my life be like those days when I was standard 5 and 6 where I do not need to care about anything but to have fun? I really miss those days when I was a happy-go-lucky-girl. Sometimes, I would rather stay at home, hanging out with my family members than going out there worrying about stupid stuff.

I kind of told my uncle and auntie about my problem and they said, "Life is like that and there's still more to come and there will be many different kind of people you will meet in the future." Gosh. I can't even handle such a tiny problem and they are telling me there are more to come? I really do envy my sisters because all they do is enjoy their life every day without anything to worry in their mind. I seriously wish to have a time machine and restart my whole life again.

One more thing, I seriously don't understand why most people always judge a person from the outer look? To me, look doesn't matter at all. So what if someone looks ugly from the outside? It's just an appearance. If you actually look in properly, you will find out that everyone is beautiful in their own way. It depends on the way how you judge a person. I really think people who judge from the outer look are really stupid. I'm sorry to be so harsh, but I'm saying this based on my experience that I have been through. Doing this can really hurt someone badly.

And I also realize that the earth is getting warmer each and everyday and pollution is increasing. According to some scientist and bla that by 2012 everything like plants and animals might extinct and we, human might extinct as well. And who is to be blame? THE HUMANS. Wherever I go, I'll be seeing tall buildings and houses instead of tall trees. By they way, my place here is full of dust cause they were changing the pipes which made my area here freaking warm. This also made me sick. Currently I'm having fever, soar throat and also headache. Sigh. I wish I was born 50 years ago where I can enjoy the beauty of nature.
Your worst enemies are your closest friends.

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